'Understanding Your Teenager' Parents Seminar on March 10

What: 'Understanding Your Teenager,' a seminar by Drew Hill

Who: Parents of teenagers in the Greensboro area
When: Sunday, March 10th, 3-5pm
Where: 3530 Edgefield Rd, Greensboro (near NWHS)
Cost: Free
Topics: A Parent's Guide To Social Media; Tips for Talking with Your Teenager About Sex & Dating; Lies Your Teenager Wants You To Believe; and 20 Practical Ways To Love Your Teenager.

Register Here 



Drew Hill has been working with teenagers for over 15 years and has a Masters of Divinity degree specializing in adolescent culture.  Drew regularly speaks to both teenagers and parents and currently serves as a Student Pastor in Greensboro. Drew also works with Young Life at Northwest Guilford High School and writes to serve both youth pastors and Young Life leaders at www.YoungLifeLeaders.org. 

What People Are Saying About This Seminar

"Without a doubt, this was the best equipping event we have hosted for parents in our thirteen year history as a church. The response from our congregation was overwhelming. One mother wrote me afterwards and said, “I hope that you have Drew come and speak again. Soon. Because I am sure that everyone who attended has already told several others about it. I have! Every minute was filled with great info…Please have him return soon.” Another parent wrote to tell me “Drew Hill was AWESOME! He was funny, completely engaging, and had great information and suggestions to share.” As a pastor to youth, Drew Hill made it possible for us to come alongside parents so that we are working in concert to minister to students." 
- Andrew Wild, Executive Pastor, River Oaks Community Church, Clemmons, NC

Owning Your Children

When parents have their children baptized they indicate their desire to have their children grow up and live as children of God and brothers or sisters of Jesus, and be guided by the Holy Spirit. 

Through birth a child is given to parents; through baptism a child is given to God.  At baptism the parents acknowledge that their parenthood is a participation in God's parenthood, that all fatherhood and motherhood comes from God.  Thus baptism frees the parents from a sense of owning their children.  

Children belong to God and are given to the parents to love and care for in God's name.  It is the parents' vocation to welcome their children as honored guests in their home and bring them to the physical, emotional, and spiritual freedom that enables them to leave the home and become parents themselves.  Baptism reminds parents of this vocation and sets children on the path of freedom.

-Henri Nouwen (Bread for the Journey)

Should I Let My Kid Go To That Movie?

Yesterday I received a text from a mother asking my opinion on allowing her middle schooler to go see the movie 'The Possession."  I emailed her back with a few thoughts that I'm copying and pasting below. Hopefully they will be of some help to those of you encountering the same predicaments.

Dear Middle School Parent,

-I always read Kids-in-Mind.com before I ever take kids to a movie. Here's the link to what they have to say about The Possession.

-You're asking the right questions. I'm thankful there are parents at least struggling with these kind of decisions because most don't think twice about it. It is a BIG decision. 

-If she were in high school, I'd say, let her go, but on the condition that you can go with her or that y'all have a coffee date the next day to debrief the film or preferably both.

-With your child being in middle school, my recommendation would be to let her choose if she should go... but only after having a in depth conversation about it with you and your husband.  I'd even ask her to make a list of the reasons why she should go and reasons why she shouldn't so she could visualize it.  

-I think the most important parenting thing you do in this situation is teach her how to make wise decisions on her own. Many parents make these decisions for their kids and then once a kid gets freedom, they go hog wild because they've never learned how to make the wise call. I even think that if y'all make the pro/con list and she still chooses to go to the movie, that's a good thing. She'll soon enough realize whether she made a wise decision or not.  

-I generally tell parents:

Elem school: you make decisions FOR them

Middle school: you teach them to make their own decisions by making the decision WITH them

High school: you allow them to make their own decisions, still talking WITH them, but giving them more freedom while they're still under your authority and helping them see the consequences or benefits of those decisions.

It's not as clear cut as that, but its a decent grid.

-I like to use the word "wise" instead of the word "right" when talking about decisions. It's not cool to do the 'right' thing, but who doesn't want to be seen as wise? It's semantics, but it's helpful for kids. Teach her to ask the question, "From what I've learned from my past experiences and thinking about how I want my life to turn out, what is the wise thing for me to do in this situation?”

-I'd point her to scripture. If we all went to the Bible when making decisions, I imagine all our lives would be much better. Preaching to myself here.

Read Ephesians 5:15-17 with her:   "Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is."

And Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (NIV)

Philippians 4:8- "Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." (The Message)

-Give her the facts and let her make the call. If she gets to make the decision, she feels like you respect her and realize she's growing up. It's confidence building for a kid to know parents really trust you. 

As far as demons go, they're real. They might look like bats flying out of a girls mouth in The Possession, but they also can look like scantily clad women in a football game commercial.  Instead of giving kids a fear of demons, I like to focus on reminding our kids of the presence of Christ that resides within them.  Having the power of the Holy Spirit is a pretty huge reality that we often forget. 

I did read some Frank Peretti books when I was in early high school. They we're helpful for me in thinking through the demonic/angelic supernatural world. I'd recommend http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_Present_Darkness if she likes to read. I think a healthy understanding of the supernatural is vital in the teenage years. Kids are thinking about it a lot. That's why Harry Potter and Twilight still are best sellers. I just like to present the Christian point of view as well as JK Rowling and Stephanie Meyer's. 

Hope those random thoughts are somewhat helpful.  Praying for you!

Drew

River Oaks Community Church 'Understanding Your Teenager'

Thanks to all of you who attended the seminar last night at River Oaks.  Here are a few reminders:

You Will Fail As A Parent 
When you fail, fall on Jesus.  God allows us to experience parenthood to sanctify us, to make us more mature followers of Christ, driving us to depend on Him alone. 

You Can't Do It Alone 
Find folks to connect with either in your church, or another support community such as 'Footprints.' You can contact Joe & Beth Lineberry about connecting with their Wednesday night group for hurting parents at footprints@calvarynow.com.  Learn more about Joe & Beth here. 

You Can Only Be A Godly Parent Once God Is Your Parent
You want to have a deep relationship with your son or daughter. Guess what? God wants that same kind of relationship with you. If you want your kids to spend time with you and listen to you, realize that God's desire is the same. Be His son or daughter. Sit in his lap. Listen to Him. Let Him love you today. Only then will you be able to pour out of an overflow. We love because He first loved us.

You can view the PowerPoint presentation here.  Feel free to pass it along.  If you have any friends who are interested in bringing an 'Understanding Your Teenager' presentation to their church or community group, please have them contact me here. 

Now go chase your kids...

His Grace Is Sufficient,
Drew Hill

A Real Life Prodigal Son Story

Prodigal Son Story from The Summit Church on Vimeo.

God's Desire For Parenthood

"God's desire for parenthood is sanctification-making us more mature, wise, and loving. Parenthood, at its best, drives us to great surrender and dependency on God and uncovers the unique image of God we all bear." 


-from "Becoming A Dad" by Stephen James and David Thomas 

40 Reasons To Pursue Sexual Purity

There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.  
1 Corinthians 6:16-20 (MSG)

Last night I led a high school guys' Bible study and we looked at the above passage.  Guys were surprisingly mature, but reluctant to go deep. I asked them why they thought we should pursue sexual purity. Grasshoppers chirped outside. 

During our recent spring cleaning of our house, I discovered an old journal. Inside I found a list I'd written entitled "40 Reasons to Pursue Sexual Purity." I shared it with the guys last night and thought I'd share it with you. Hopefully it can be helpful as you talk with your teenagers about sex and purity. 

Here's the actual journal. We miss you #3.

The list isn't organized neatly. It's just stream of thought that came out of some time I spent with the Lord wrestling with my own sin. 


40 Reasons To Pursue Sexual Purity 

1. Out of obedience to God, because He commanded it.
2. Because I know God has my best interest in mind.
3. So I can be filled with the power of the Holy Spirit instead of filled with lustful thoughts.
4. Because I am no longer a slave to sin, but now a slave to righteousness.
5. So I can be a man of integrity.
6. So I can be honest with my wife/future wife.
7. Because I'm cheating on my wife/future wife when I have lustful thoughts.
8. Because lust always leaves me feeling empty.
9. So I don't have to live in fear of being "found out."
10. So I can be a Godly father to my future kids.
11. Because an impure thought life leads to impure actions.
12. Because impure actions lead to regret.
13. Other men that have cheated on their wives didn't just fall into temptation, the cheating began with their thought life. I don't want to end up like that.
14. God calls us to take every thought captive. (2 Corinthians 10:5)
15. What goes in must come out. I want to overflow God, not lust.
16. So I can honestly speak truth to all those I lead.
17. A pure thought life makes married sex life even better.
18. When I lust after another woman, that's someone else's daughter, sister, future wife or wife. (1 Timothy 5:2)
19. I don't want guys lusting after my wife, my sister or my daughter.
20. Obedience to God brings blessings, disobedience brings conflict.
21. Purity leads to intimacy with God and others. I desire intimacy.
22. I have no right to lust after another woman.
23. Being two-faced sucks...and is exhausting.
24. I want my life to be an open book.
25. I can't live however I please, squandering what God paid such a high price for.
26. Women are God's daughters.
27. Sexual impurity will eventually catch up to me.
28. I am more fulfilled when my mind is on Christ.
29. Lusting is a waste of valuable time that God has entrusted me to steward wisely.
30. Images are not quick to leave and will haunt me for a long time.
31. Porn is disgusting.
32. I desire a life of peace, not of fear and guilt.
33. God's boundaries are there to protect me and provide for me.
34. The Devil is a liar.
35. I want to be a man who honors women.
36. Choosing purity exalts the truth of God and silences the lies of the world.
37. It gives God more reign in my life. I can hear his voice more clearly.
38. My body is His temple.
39. Lust never satisfies. It is dead water. He is the Living Water.
40. Pursuing sexual purity forces me to be dependent upon God and not myself. I can't do it on my own strength.