This is a letter written by a frustrated mom to her teenage sons. If you ever feel like you're battling for attention with electronic devices, her words might help you communicate your true desires to your kiddos.
Dear Boys,
Do you remember the day we went to the drugstore and the
lady said, “Wow, you are the first kids I’ve seen all day with nothing in your
hands.” Remember how she marveled at how
you didn’t need an electronic device to carry through the store? I know how her words made you feel. I know how it reminded you that you are
different because your mom limits your electronic usage. I know it was yet another reminder.
The same reminder you receive when we are out to eat and you
notice all the kids playing their phones and iPads instead of talking to their
parents. I know it was a reminder of all
the sporting events where you feel you are the only kids whose parents are
making them cheer on their siblings rather than burying themselves in a
phone. I know it was another reminder to
you that you feel different in this electronic age we live in.
Well, boys, it’s not you.
It’s me. Me being selfish
maybe. You see I can’t bear to miss a
moment with you. Let me explain.
I want to talk to you when we are out to eat. I want to listen to your questions. I want to have training opportunities. I want to allow space for conversation that
can take us deeper. And if you are
always distracted with electronics, well… I might miss those moments.
I could give you all the statistics about how damaging it is
to your development, your attention span, your ability to learn. While all of those are valid reasons to keep
electronics away, that is not my primary reason why I say no to you so
much. It’s more than that. Much more.
I need you to understand this.
When we are together, I want all of you. The fullness of you. I want to experience you. Truly experience
you. And I can’t do that with you when
there is an electronic device between us. You see it acts as a barrier. I want to see what brings life to those
eyes. I want to watch the wonder and
magic dance across your face as you discover the wonders of this world. I want to watch you as you figure things
out. I want to watch you process life,
develop your thoughts. I want to know you.
I want to know your passions. I
want to watch you as you discover your God-given talents and gifts. And when you hide behind a screen, I miss out
on all of that. And my time with you….well it will be over in the blink of an
eye.
I want to guide you into an understanding of life and who
you are. Boys, kids today are starved
for attention, true connection and relationship. I don’t want you to feel starved. That is why
I say no. I know that feeding the desire
to play in your device is like giving you candy. It satisfies for a moment but provides no
long term nutrition. It does more harm
than good.
I don’t want to look back when I’m out of the trenches of
child training and regret a second I had with you. I don’t want to merely survive. I want to thrive in this life with you. We are in it together. We are a family.
Yes, when we are waiting at a doctor’s office for an hour,
it would be eaiser to quiet you with my phone.
But if I did that, I fear I would send you a message that says I’d
rather hush you than hear those precious words falling from your lips.
I can’t bear the thought of allowing you to miss out on the
wonders and mysteries of this world. When you are transfixed on a screen, the
beauty of this world will be lost to you.
In every moment beauty is waiting to be discovered. I don’t want you to miss it.
I want you to be comfortable with yourself. I want you not to feel a constant need to be
entertained and distracted. If you stay
behind a screen, you never have to experience just being you, alone with your
thoughts. I want you to learn to think,
to ponder life, to make discoveries, to create.
You have been gifted by God in unique ways. I want those to bloom. They can’t bloom in the glow of a
screen. They need life, real life, to
bring them to light.
I want you to be confident in who you are. I want you to be able to look people in the
eyes and speak life into them. If I
allow you to live behind a screen, you get little practice relating eye to
eye. To truly know someone you have to
look into their eyes. It’s a window into
their heart. You see what can’t be seen
in cyberspace.
When I tell you no to devices, I’m giving you a gift. And I’m giving me a gift. It’s a gift of relationship. True human connection. It’s precious and a treasure. And you mean so much to me that I don’t want
to miss a second of it.
I love how God created your mind. I love to hear the way you think and process
life. I love to see what makes you
laugh. I love to watch those eyes widen
when a new discovery is made. And when your head is behind a screen, I miss all
of that. And so do you.
In this life we have few cheerleaders. In this family we will cheer each other
on. I know it is boring to sit at swim
lessons and watch your brother learn to swim.
I know it is boring to sit through a 2 hour baseball practice. And in all honesty, it would be easy for me
to give you the iPad and keep you quiet and occupied. But we all lose out when we do that. You will miss out on watching your brother’s
new accomplishments. You will deprive
him of the joy of his moment to shine for you.
You will miss out on what it means to encourage each other.
I want you to grow up knowing the world doesn’t revolve
around you. (One day your wife will
thank me) I want you to learn to give
selflessly of yourself….to give away your time, your talents, your treasures. If I distract you with electronics when you
should be cheering for your brother, well, I’m simply telling you that your
happiness is more important than giving your time to someone other than
yourself.
This world needs more selflessness. This world needs more connection. This world needs more love. We can’t learn these behind a screen.
I want to raise sons that know how to look deeply into the
eyes of the ones they love. I want my
future daughters in law to know what it’s like to have a husband that looks
deeply into her eyes because he knows the value of human relationships and the
treasure of love. And that is best
communicated eye to eye.
I want to watch your face illuminated by the majesty of life
– not the glow of a screen. I want all
of you. Because I only have you for a
short while. When you pack up and leave
for college, I want to look back with no regrets over the time I spent with
you. I want to look back and remember
how your eyes sparkled when we talked. I
want to look back and remember how I actually knew those little quirky details
of your life because we had time enough to be bored together.
It’s ok to be bored.
We can be bored together. And we can discover new things together.
I love you. I love
you too much to quiet you with an iPhone or an iPad or a DS. And I can’t even apologize, because I’m
really not sorry. I’m doing this so that
I won’t be sorry one day.
With all my love,
Mom
