Yesterday I received a text from a mother asking my opinion on allowing her middle schooler to go see the movie 'The Possession." I emailed her back with a few thoughts that I'm copying and pasting below. Hopefully they will be of some help to those of you encountering the same predicaments.
Dear Middle School Parent,
-I always read Kids-in-Mind.com before I ever take kids to a movie. Here's the link to what they have to say about The Possession.
-You're asking the right questions. I'm thankful there are parents at least struggling with these kind of decisions because most don't think twice about it. It is a BIG decision.
-If she were in high school, I'd say, let her go, but on the condition that you can go with her or that y'all have a coffee date the next day to debrief the film or preferably both.
-With your child being in middle school, my recommendation would be to let her choose if she should go... but only after having a in depth conversation about it with you and your husband. I'd even ask her to make a list of the reasons why she should go and reasons why she shouldn't so she could visualize it.
-I think the most important parenting thing you do in this situation is teach her how to make wise decisions on her own. Many parents make these decisions for their kids and then once a kid gets freedom, they go hog wild because they've never learned how to make the wise call. I even think that if y'all make the pro/con list and she still chooses to go to the movie, that's a good thing. She'll soon enough realize whether she made a wise decision or not.
-I generally tell parents:
Elem school: you make decisions FOR them
Middle school: you teach them to make their own decisions by making the decision WITH them
High school: you allow them to make their own decisions, still talking WITH them, but giving them more freedom while they're still under your authority and helping them see the consequences or benefits of those decisions.
It's not as clear cut as that, but its a decent grid.
-I like to use the word "wise" instead of the word "right" when talking about decisions. It's not cool to do the 'right' thing, but who doesn't want to be seen as wise? It's semantics, but it's helpful for kids. Teach her to ask the question, "From what I've learned from my past experiences and thinking about how I want my life to turn out, what is the wise thing for me to do in this situation?”
-I'd point her to scripture. If we all went to the Bible when making decisions, I imagine all our lives would be much better. Preaching to myself here.
Read Ephesians 5:15-17 with her: "Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is."
And Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (NIV)
Philippians 4:8- "Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." (The Message)
-Give her the facts and let her make the call. If she gets to make the decision, she feels like you respect her and realize she's growing up. It's confidence building for a kid to know parents really trust you.
As far as demons go, they're real. They might look like bats flying out of a girls mouth in The Possession, but they also can look like scantily clad women in a football game commercial. Instead of giving kids a fear of demons, I like to focus on reminding our kids of the presence of Christ that resides within them. Having the power of the Holy Spirit is a pretty huge reality that we often forget.
I did read some Frank Peretti books when I was in early high school. They we're helpful for me in thinking through the demonic/angelic supernatural world. I'd recommend http://en.wikipedia.
Hope those random thoughts are somewhat helpful. Praying for you!
Drew
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